What Would Mrs. D Say?

Dear Mrs. D,

My mother and Mother-in-Law keep tons of crappy treats around and allow my kids to eat as much as they want, even after my husband and I try to regulate it.  I used to give up because it’s only temporary but on at least 8 occasions I have been up in the middle of the night with one or more puking kids. Even though I mention it the next day, these selfish granny’s still “love” them with junk! How can I put an end to this? I dread the upcoming holidays because I’m pissed about the puking.

Feed ‘Em Sugar Till They Puke

Dear Feed ‘Em Till They Puke,

Wow!  Everyone loves a little sugar but this sounds like a code red.  I think we are going to have to pull out the big guns.  Think about it; if you simply ask Granny to stop, she will probably accuse you of being an overbearing Mom.  We all know that’s not the case, so here’s the plan.  Lay down the law with your kids. “Only one piece of candy if you’re sleeping at home.   When you go to Granny’s you can eat as much as you want.”  One night of puking on Granny’s turf should resolve this little problem for you without any confrontation.

Mrs. D

Dear Mrs. D,

All my 10-year-old daughter wants for Christmas is an iPad Mini.  I think it’s an expensive gift. What do you think?

Santa Ain’t Rich

Dear Santa Ain’t Rich,

I agree.  An iPad Mini is an expensive gift but I think you should embrace it.  It’s a beautiful moment when Santa only has to wrap a few quality toys.  It also teaches the value of a dollar!

Mrs. D

Dear Mrs. D,

My 6-year-old cusses like a f–king sailor.  He uses all of the right words at all of the right damn times.  How can this be? What do I do to make him stop? This shit is ridiculous.


Mother of a Damn Asshole


Dear Mother of a Damn Asshole,

First of all, he sounds like a bright child if he is already using profanity correctly.  Nothing is more annoying than someone who can’t drop an F bomb appropriately.  As far as controlling his foul mouth, I am going to suggest a drop of lemon juice on the tongue after each cuss word and a sturdy pair of ear muffs.  The ear muffs should be worn anytime you are speaking for the next few months.  I hope this helps.

Mrs. D 


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DISCLAIMER: Any and all answers are completely unprofessional and should not be taken seriously.  Don’t be an idiot.  If you have real issues, seek a real professional, not me.  Any question sent via email can be used on my website and/or social media.  Authors will remain anonymous. You suck.  Just kidding. I was making sure you were reading this very important message.  Don’t sue me. I hate that.  It ruins all the fun and then you really would suck.  My advice is random and solely depends on the amount of sleep I got last night.  Sad but true.  Peace out bitches.