Mommy, I tired.

Here I am again.  I know these walls well.  It’s the only place in my home that is private.  The only place I can vent my emotions.  The warm water comforts me as tears pour down my face.  My thoughts run wild.  How many more times can I be defeated?  Every time I get pushed down I brush my knees off and stand tall.  Sometimes I stand there and gather myself but eventually I move forward.  One foot in front of the other until suddenly I am in a different place.  Like so many people, I too have endured a plethora of disappointments.  From a child in NICU to real estate loss, multiple unemployment stents, law suits, the loss of a pet and family to medical issues.  We have lived through it all.  It’s been years.  Yes, I said YEARS… since I have had any kind of stability in my life.  I consider myself a positive person but I am also human.  I’m exhausted.  I don’t understand God’s message.  It seems that nothing.  Absolutely nothing is going right. No matter how hard I push forward.  No matter how much I celebrate the simple joys,  I can’t seem to catch a break.

Suddenly, I am slapped out of my pity party by a little voice.  I couldn’t see her through the steamy shower door but her voice lifted me.   “Mommy?  Are you in here?”  I wiped away my tears and answered her “Yes baby.  I’m taking a shower.”  “Ok Mommy.  I wait wight here for you.  Ok Mommy?”  “Ok sweet girl.  I’ll be out in a minute.”  I wiped some steam off the window and peered out at my little girl.  She was sitting indian style, twiddling her hands with nervous energy.  She did not know I was watching her and she did not know how much I needed her at that moment.  All she wanted, was to know that I was there for her.  ‘Mommy?’ she asked a few seconds later.  “Yes love bug”  “Are you almost done?”  “Just a couple of minutes.”  She repeated my words in confirmation “Mommy hold me in a couple of minutes.”  “Yes, Maggie.  I love you.  I will hold you when I’m all done.” ‘Otay mommy.”

I turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around my body.  Without hesitation I picked up Maggie and held her close as I promised.  “I wuff you mommy.  I tired.”  I kissed her on her head and thanked God for the blessings in my life.  Maybe this is the message.  A reminder to love my family.  These past few years have taught me one thing; unconditional love can conquer any disappointment.  She snuggled her head on my shoulder and soon I felt her whole body relax.   I  walked in circles around my room.  Swaying my hips the way moms do and gently brushing her hair behind her ear.  “I’m tired too baby.  I’m tired too.”

 

Have a great weekend everyone!  Celebrate the good things in your life and rest when you need to!

 

 

8 thoughts on “Mommy, I tired.

  1. That was beautiful, raw, & real… Thank you Ronda 😉 I’ve had many moments of insanity, stress & trying to be strong. But with my faith in God, the love of my family & my miracle baby… I somehow always push through. We’re All in this together! :)
    Btw, I hope things calm down for you & you find some peace. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

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