Mother of the Year

I love my kids to the moon and back but I screw up a lot!!! Sometimes it’s just little things and sometimes it’s stuff that might land them in therapy. Clearly I should win Mother of the Year, don’t ya think?  If you do these 30 things, you too might win this prestigious award.

You might win mother of the year if..

1.  Your 2-year-old poops a Lego and it doesn’t faze you.

2.  You consider a corn dog a vegetable and a protein

3. Your child drops something edible on the floor and the five second rule extends to 10 minutes.

4. You let your kids play outside in their PJ’s because it means less laundry.

5. You give your child a bath with baby wipes because you don’t have the energy for the real thing.

6.  You consider Wii Dance a form of exercise.

7.  You let the older kids read to the younger ones…daily!

8. Your daughter uses shot glasses for a tea party with her dolls

9.  Your kids remind you to record Family Guy

10.  Your kids whining makes you wine

11.  You suggest that your kids return a sibling punch rather than give a time-out

12.  Only half of your kids are baptized

13.  You told your child that cherry tomatoes are red grapes to get a vegetable down

14.  You threaten that “Santa Claus is watching” and it’s April

15.  You smell an old sippy cup in the car before you see it

16.  Your daughter reminds you that the baby is sleeping in her car seat on the kitchen table, just as you pull out of the neighborhood.

17.  Your 2-year-old sees a Cheerio and calls it a “wittle doughnut”

18. You tell your kids that the park is closed today so you don’t have to go

19. You have moved the clocks ahead to speed up bedtime

20. You use scare tactics and bribery to get your children to behave

21. You avoid eating dinner at Chuck E Cheese by telling the kids it’s adult only night.

22.  Your baby colors her whole arm with a blue marker and you never saw her do it

23. You purposely skip pages when reading a book

24. You take batteries out of annoying toys and claim they’re broken

25.  You tell your daughter that the tooth fairy didn’t come because she didn’t do a good job brushing her teeth 

26. You tell your kids that your dinner is very spicy so they won’t ask you for a bite

27. Your kids think that all car DVD players have no sound

28. You spell a cuss word and then forget your kid can read.  Oops!

29.  You tell your kids that Play-Doh went out of business

30. Your kids think it’s normal to use a portable car potty

 

Do you have a good Mother of the Year moment?  Leave your answer in the comment section today.  The funniest one gets a free signed copy of Go Unleashed.  I hate feeling like I’m the only screw up.  Misery loves company. Holla!

 

 

 

18 thoughts on “Mother of the Year

  1. I also can relate to so many of these. A classic for me was while having lunch with an employee of mine he says..”isn’t today Friday?” “Yes, why?” “Weren’t you suppose to pick up Abigail about now?” Crap!!!
    I also loved the calls from school asking if I was on the way?? ( of course it happened repeatedly)
    M-

  2. I thought the same thing, taking recycling to a whole new level. Not to mention no flushing so we’re conserving water…

    Please do steal #2, it’s helpful when parents all have the same story. I plan to steal a few of yours that I hadn’t thought of.

  3. Another good one is

    “Stop looking at my phone I’m texting daddy a very important message” When actually I’m playing candy crush and can’t be interrupted because it’s a timed level. haha

  4. My husband and I decided we would have date day one time while the kids were at school. We dropped the kids off and decided hey the casino isn’t far lets run over there and gamble a couple of hours.

    Turns out if you are playing craps and the guy rolling the dice hasn’t screwed up you can’t just walk away because now you are making money. It’s getting closer and closer to time that we absolutely will need to leave just in order to make it back in time.

    Me- “Hello Deb, hey can you do me a favor? We are not going to make it to the school in time to get the kids. Can you pick them up and just take them to your house?”
    Deb- “Sure! Where are you? What’s all that noise?”
    Me- “Umm get my mother of the year award ready. I’m in a casino and we can’t leave cause we are winning money”
    Deb- “Baaahahahahahahahahahahaha no worries I’ll get your kids”

    Mother of the year- Can’t pick my kids up from school because I’m drinking screwdrivers and gambling.
    Oh and in case you were wondering- we won $600. hahaha

  5. Melissa- all 3 are fabulous! I like to think of peeing in a water bottle as recycling. I’m stealing number 2 and I can’t think of anything more stressful than the tooth fairy so I don’t blame you! HA

  6. Nothing wrong with breakfast for dinner girl! I don’t see any harm in leaving your son as long you go back and get him before bed time. ha!

  7. Yes mom, but I think we should tell the people that we were forced to share a piece of Trident gum. It helps with the visual and still makes me laugh hysterically.

  8. I can relate to so many of these!!! Here are a few off the top of my head:
    1. I’m certain my youngest pee’s in water bottles more often than the toilet. (our cheap car potty) We sit in car lines and at practices for so long he never even mentions he has to go, just hunts for an emptied bottle and tosses it when we get home.

    2. Told my kids that parents write checks to Santa for specialty items so that I can explain why their friends get better stuff. Also, I have leverage to make them behave.

    3.This year the “Tooth Fairy” was forgetful for almost a week straight and I finally said, “Just get some cash out of my wallet and put the tooth where I keep the others!” I know they snoop through my things anyway.

  9. Your 2-year old stands up at a restaurant, bangs his spoon on a metal light hanging over the table and yells, “Happy Hour!”

  10. -breakfast for dinner becomes a regular treat instead of once in a while
    -you forget your son at the restaurant and he isn’t surprised.
    -there are so many others you cannot remember
    -you appreciate so much the other moms who can admit their mistakes and laugh with you!

  11. Laughed through the whole thing, I think I resemble about 26 of these remarks and the only reason why I didn’t hit 30 is because I only have two kids!! I think you are more fabulous having read this post!!!

  12. Oh the memories! We never did shot glasses for a tea party or used a car potty but we shared a lot of gum broken in half!

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