25 Real Resolutions

It’s getting old people. The same old crap every…single….New Year.  You’re all a bunch of freakin liars. You’re not going to lose weight and exercise more.  You’re not going to save any money during a recession and you’re never going to be organized if you aren’t already. Do yourself a favor, join Mrs. D and keep it real.  Here are my top 25.

1.  I’m going to use LOL and OMG less

2.  I’m going to spend less money at Dunkin Donuts (excluding K cups)

3.  I will do my best to stop liking EVERYTHING on Facebook.  It’s all so exciting.  I can’t  help myself.

4.  I will not make my kids talk with silly accents at dinner for my entertainment. (But..if they want to, I won’t discourage it)

5.  I will remember to shower everyday.  (I might make some actual friends.)

6.  I will not bring my cell phone into the bathroom with me. I have plenty of magazines.

7.  I will remember to wear a bra before I drop Teagan off at preschool.

8.  I will talk to my husband more than I text him.

9.  I will remember that energy-efficient washing machines are not energy-efficient when you forget that you left wet clothes in them and have to rewash the entire load.

10.  I will not suck in my gut. I will own that shit.

11.  I will stop heckling drive-thru employees (a follow-up to #10)

12.  I will not spend every minute after school counting down the moment until bedtime

13.  I will not watch Honey Boo-Boo and Jersey Shore to improve my self-image.

14.  I will pick up the Goldfish crackers BEFORE I step on them.

15.  I will overcome my fear of farting in public and actually try a yoga class.

16.  I will not feel embarrassed on recycling day when our 90 gallon trash can full of beer bottles is dumped onto the truck. Doherty’s Pub is green, it should be celebrated.

17. I will stop asking my kids if they want a spanking.  Duh? (I don’t even give them??  It just feels like a cool thing to say as a Mom.)

18.  I will not let Maggie out of her stroller unless she is desperate. (equivalent to “never wake a sleeping baby”)

19.  I will not stand over play-dates and check for lice..just in case?

20.  I will suggest that Facebook add a “punch” for people who “poke”

21.  I will subscribe to 1 of my favorite magazines so I have a reason to check the mail.

22.  I will not step over the shit I stack on the stairs.  I will actually bring it up and put it away.

23.  I will finally make a baby book for my 4-year-old. (online)

24.  I will search my car for french fries before they become fossils.

25.  I will not swear under my breath when a child asks to use the bathroom in a public place.

 

Happy New Year’s Bitches!  Be Safe!

 

8 thoughts on “25 Real Resolutions

  1. excellent additions Aviva! Isn’t it painful to watch a child crack an egg when you KNOW that you will be the one fishing out the shell fragments? Good one!

  2. Nothing screams “I’m a mom!’ like a good scrap booking party. Soy sauce and vodka would definitely would make it more interesting. Mmm? Book it momma! :)

  3. I love all of these. I don’t know if I can stick to any of them, but I will certainly try. Keep me posted if you get the 4 year olds baby book done. I need to do the almost 6 and almost 4 year olds. Maybe we can take a weekend and go to a cabin and scrapbook (online) with soy sauce and top shelf Vodka?!

  4. Excellent list, Mrs. D … I will subscribe to 1 5 6 8 9 10 12 16 17 21 22 24 (but we rarely eat fries, so maybe call it waffle pieces??) … And add:

    I will try to let my 5 year old help me make meatballs (and let him crack the eggs)

    I will feed the fish at least once per day

    I will forbid eating toast in bed, and enjoy a crumb-free night’s sleep

    Thanks for shocking me into reality (yet again!!!!)

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