Crash Landing

I’m feeling a little down this week, and I need to talk.  How do I lift this weight off my shoulders? If I were Catholic, I would confess.  I would tell  ALL and feel whole again. Well?  I’m not exactly Catholic but….. I was married to a Catholic in a cathedral.  Does that count?  I hope so, because I must confess.   I don’t have one of those Wizard of Oz booths at my house so this blog will have to do.  You guys can be my ears.  To be honest, I can’t think of a better place.  I feel the audience is fair.  If you read this blog, you know it’s not all rainbows and butterflies.  There are times when readers accuse me of living in “crazy town” and awful shit like that.  [Ahem! Getting to the point now.]  You see, our family moves a lot, and I’m getting weary of trying to make new friends.  Why would I bother?  As soon as I invest in a friendship, we will have to pack up and start all over again. It doesn’t seem worth it to me.  Needing a way to cope,  I made friends with birds.  Yes!  You heard me right.  I said birds.  I am a “bird nerd”. I already feel better revealing my little secret.  It’s not that I’m ashamed.  They are beautiful and peaceful but who would I tell?  Let’s be honest, it’s not a conversation starter.  In fact, I consider it a conversation killer.   I can imagine exactly how it would unfold.  I’m bubbling with excitement to tell my daily findings to whomever the unfortunate listener may be.   “OMG! I saw the most beautiful humming-bird this morning.  I tried to get a photo but he was too quick.”   Then there would be that awkward silence and a little raise of the eye brow and then the uncomfortable reply “that…sounds..um..nice?” [quickly changing the subject to anything other than birds] “Is this weather ever going to cool off?” I think you get the idea.  It’s sad when there is nobody around to appreciate my love for one of Gods finest creations.  [Sigh] Usually, I keep my love for birds to myself but this week something horrible happened.

It was a normal morning at the Doherty home.  I shuffled the big kids onto the bus and then I had about a half hour of me-time before the little ones would need my undivided attention.  I made a fresh cup of coffee and stared out of the window.  It was so quiet.  I sipped my coffee and enjoyed the moment.  There aren’t too many of these moments anymore, so I savor them.  I love my wall of windows.  It overlooks a wooded piece of property and it’s private.  It’s my favorite spot in the house.  I like to sit at the kitchen table with my laptop and enjoy my unobstructed view of the bird feeder.  I know this feeder well.  It’s the same one that I personally pack every time we move.  On this particular morning, there were only a few small brown birds eating.  I didn’t bother looking them up in my bird I.D. book (NERD ALERT! Shhh!!!) because they were not very interesting.  In fact, I could call them boring.   I gently cupped my coffee with both hands to warm them and sipped.  It was therapeutic. I glanced at the clock and then, I heard a sound that nearly gave me a freaking heart attack…. Holy crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WTF was that?  I jumped out of my chair and slid my coffee onto the table. I began spinning around in a small, slow circle.   Just like someone in a horror film too scared to run.  [I whisper to myself.] What was that? That was so freaking loud and now…..silence.  C’mon think! THIIIIIIINNNNK!!!!  What could have made that noise?  Then I start using my reasoning which coincidentally, isn’t too sharp at 8:30am. I am almost positive it was something on the window.  But what?  I scan each window until I see this…

Site of Impact

Ah HA!   Evidence.  It appears to be the actual site of impact.  Progress!!!  Now? What was it? A baseball? No..that would break the glass.  A pine cone? No..it was way too loud.  MMMm?  I was stumped.   I kept moving closer and searching for more clues.  I  was basically right on top of it when it finally made sense.  I saw blood and feathers and BLAQ!  The combination made it obvious.  It was bird splatter!   EWWWWWW!   What do I do?  That poor bird.

I got real sad and before I knew it Teagan was pulling on my shirt tail and snapped me back to reality. “Good Morning Mommy?”  I picked her up and smothered her with kisses “Good morning sweetie.” She ignored me and pointed outside.  “Why is he sleeping like that?”  “What?  Who?”  I looked outside.  “That Burdy, wight theya!” I looked down and then cupped my mouth in shock. Leave it to the 4-year-old to notice the corpse.  Ding! Ding!  Ding!  Mystery is solved.  That loud ass sound that scared me half to death was definitely a bird that flew into the window and we have a body to prove it.

Poor Tweedy! Can you imagine flying full speed into a window?  Ouch!  The only thing that I ever did that was remotely close was walking into a screen door which seems harmless but it actually hurt! I honestly can’t imagine a window.  Managing to pull it together I answered my 4-year-old and shooed her off to the playroom with some chocolate milk. “Oh. Um?  He’s tired.”

Flying Under the Influence

After she left the room, I looked at that poor little fella.  He was so very dead.  I don’t mean to be selfish but his death ruined my morning.  Was he blind?  Was he trying to attack me or was he just stupid?  I looked outside to find more clues and that’s when I saw it.  There laying under the patio furniture was the reason for his untimely death.  Now that I think about it, I’ve seen this little fella peering inside the windows of Doherty’s pub on a football Sunday. Dude?  If you mess with the bull, you get the horns.  Everyone at Doherty’s pub knows that.  You overdid it.  Everything in moderation.

Case closed!

5 thoughts on “Crash Landing

  1. YOU ARE ME!!! We back up to the woods with a wall of windows and birds fly into them constantly. I too stare at them sad that we left Charleston (though we don’t move a lot but still don’t feel at home). Call me anytime with bird talk. I have a stunned birdie picture on my phone right now! Cheer up but you should definitely clip their wings if they are frequenting the pub. Sort of like taking their keys I guess so no more F.U.I. situations.

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